Scandalous Headline Revelations From Taliban Documents In WikiLeaks
Our intrepid political analysts at The Propagandist waded through reams of WikiLeaks documents and were rewarded with a treasure trove of Taliban documents. The headlines of the internal records alone portray a weakened and demoralized jihadi movement that is struggling just to retain the hearts and minds of its own operatives:
- Bin Laden Requested Jewish Doctor for Kidney Transplant, Thinks Klezmer Music “OK Sometimes”
- Worldwide Caliphate “Probably Unobtainable In Our Lifetime”
- Military Personnel Sometimes Accidentally Killed During Anti-Heretic Operations
- Links Revealed Between Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Janjaweed, Salafist Front, Hamas, Hezbollah, Al-Shabab, Muslim Brotherhood, Chechen Guerillas, Abu Sayyaf, Lindsay Lohan
- Pakistani Secret Service Completely Useless; Cannot Even Be Trusted By A Trusting Machine On Trusting Tuesday
- Anti-Jihad Forces “Totally Have Nuclear Bombs
- Due To “Fatigue”, Some Prisoners of War Unbeheaded For Weeks
- During Day-Long Kandahar Battle, Operative Prayed To Allah Only 4.25 Times
- Suicide Bombers Were Never Debriefed
- Three Kandahar Girls Taught To Count To Twenty, Still Unblinded
- Holy Crap, Our Jihad’s Been Comprehensively Defeated In Iraq And George Clooney Didn’t Even Notice
- Obama Clearly Zoroastrian
- Some Mosques Not Used For Explosives Storage
- “Thousand Of War Crimes”
- Naomi Klein and George Galloway Appear In Public Unveiled, Drive Cars Without Male Relatives Present, Wear Decadent Frilly Underwear Like Whores
- Martyrdom Reward Quietly Downgraded To 68 Virgins And One Ambiguous Syrian
- Mohammed: “Depict The Crap Out Of Me.” Allah: “Yeah, Boy! It Don’t Matter!”
Lyle Neff is a contributing writer and political satirist for The Propagandist.
